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Simple and complicated all at the same time

15 March 1987
I'll listen to just about anything that you put in front of me (with the exception of most country, and new rap). I love to take pictures of the things around me, but I don't like pictures of me usually (the ones that are up on here are pretty much the only ones that I like of myself), but I am learning to like the ones of myself more. What else would you like to know? I'll answer pretty much any question you give me (there are always a few exceptions) but I'm pretty bad at coming up with different questions for you; if you start a conversation with me, I'll be open and talk freely. Don't get discouraged if I don't talk much, it's nothing you did, but just me not being good at articulating the things that are in my head, so just keep at it. I'm not great at meeting people; I'm usually the quiet one that stands off to the side and listens, sometimes offering input. I can't flirt for shit; my talking and being open usually looks like flirting, and my flirting just looks sad, you would have to see it in action to fully understand. I'm not one to sit around and wait for things to happen, I usually take charge, and I think it's what scares the possible friends away. I'm also not a very patient person, I really can't sit still and wait for something to happen or something to be said, usually I'll just do whatever it is that I want done. I've been told that I'm rather standoffish, which I dont really get, but ok...I guess I just like whatever it is that I'm thinking about at the moment... It might take some prodding and poking to make me do things (like talk to new people, or eat something new, or go on a really scary looking roller coaster), but eventually I'll give in and do it at least once and if I like it, I'll do it over and over again. If I don't like something or someone, I'm likely to stick around. I get excited when I have clean laundry and for a good book. I can't cook very many things, I was never the chef at home, but I do make a mean blue box Mac and cheese (lol). I absolutely love pasta, and I love the minestrone soup at The Olive Garden. I love fried zucchini and think that breaded shrimp is an abomination. I like junk food, but don't eat it very often. I'm not one of those girls that will eat only a salad in front of a boy. I love food, and can eat quite a bit, and that's just what I do, I see no point in pretending to be something that I'm not. Sometimes I forget to eat because I'm doing one thing or another (seriously, I do, I try not to skip meals) or sometimes I just don't eat because I don't know what I want to eat or I'm being a poor college student and don't have anything in the apartment to eat. My favorite movies are Breakfast at Tiffany's and The Little Mermaid. I can't spell very well (this has obviously been spell-checked), but I try my damndest. I love my sleep. I sleep as much as I can when I'm not doing other things. I dislike fake people, they bother me. Ask me what I'm listening to on my iPod at any moment and it'll probably be something completely different from five minutes ago. Ummm, what else is there really? I can’t think of anything else. So, feel free to talk to me, get to know me. You might actually like me once you get to know me. *muah!*

"Things changed, she realized. People grew, they moved, they died. Sometimes they withdrew into themselves, and sometimes they reached out after needing no one. She remembered Simon's clinging embrace. What would it be like if nothing changed? she wondered. It would be stagnant, she supposed: frozen, decadent, terrifying. Buy why did it have to be so painful-all things change? why did it mean losing people you love?"
now, if you can name the book that that is from, i will love you forever. i put the challenge up to anyone willing to take it. even the author if you dont know the book.
those are words of wisdom though, writen through a character's eyes.

"You cannot die of grief, though it feels as if you can. A heart does not actually break, though sometimes your chest aches as if it is breaking. Grief dims with time. It is the way of things. There comes a day when you smile again, and you feel like a traitor. How dare I feel happy. How dare I be glad in a world where my father is no more. And then you cry fresh tears, because you do not miss him as much as you once did, and giving up your grief is another kind of death." --Laurell K. Hamilton "A Stroke of Midnight" -Chapter 3
that's a really profound quote. i dont think i thought about it the first time i was reading it, because it still felt as if my grief for my father was new. but recently, it's diminished, and i just found it really profound, especially since i'm just recently as happy as i was back then. it really is another kind of death, to loose that grief. there you go, now you know something else about me. something profound, and beautiful, and heartbreaking. i can still remember in 8th grade having to tell my friends that i didnt have a father anymore. it's been really hard for me to tell people that i dont have a father. one of the last things he made for my sister and me was this spagetti sauce that was all chunky and tasty. i took some to school (because i had talked him into giving me some to take back home), and had my friends taste it because i was so proud of him for making it so good. and i never got to tell him how much i loved the sauce, because we didnt get to talk after that since he was so busy. and then he died, and, you know, i still remember it. i can still remember taking the chips and sauce in my backpack to school, and sitting on this concrete seat thingy, and making them taste it. it's one of my strongest memories.